Tricks of the Trade

A few days ago at work my boss said, "Paint the rabbit black."

So I did.

Headline: Buzzing Tenant Evicted After Notable Failure to "Keep it Down"

JOHNSON COUNTY, IA: After a few days of rocky co-habitation, a local conflict ended this morning when Robin S-, resident of Iowa City, evicted a large house-fly from the upstairs office of her home. The house, which S- occupies with fiance Brian D-, has already dealt with several conflicts of the human-insect variety, and its history of resolving these tensions employing diplomacy over violence has become somewhat legendary.

However, "Everybody has a limit," S- is quoted saying, mid-morning on Nov. 17^th, shortly after the eviction took place. "It's not like we didn't warn [the fly]." This is true, authorities verify. Just a few days ago D- reportedly said to the fly, as it buzzed against a window, "Hey, keep it down up there." (Though there is some confusion here as some evidence has indicated D- thought he was talking to a lady-bug, for which the house has a particular soft-spot.)

When asked about her feelings on the outcome of the conflict, S-, after expressing relief, said sadly, "It didn't have to end this way. But this morning the fly continued to knock repeatedly against the windowpane while I was trying to work, which was very distracting. Then after I took a shower and sat back down, it just came crawling right at me across the desk. That was the final straw." When asked if the fly's manner was violent in this moment, S- hesitated and finally clarified, "Not violent, but it was decidedly creepy."

Authorities agree S- was "within her rights" when she acted quickly on this final transgression, and using a New Yorker magazine and a 1999 Cactus Cup mug usually used to hold pens, trapped the fly without injuring it and took it outdoors, where it reportedly fell into the dead leaves in the yard.

A neighbor, who prefers to remain anonymous, sympathized with the S-D household, saying, "Sometimes this street can be pretty noisy, and it gets to you. It is only fair that some of these disruptive citizens face the consequences of their actions. I just hope that fly doesn't get into my house, now."

The fly has not been able to be reached for a comment.

Highlights

We have continued on with the most beautiful fall of my memory. We still haven't gotten a hard frost, so the leaves are just slowly changing to vivid shades that don't exist often in nature. We've had some busy times lately. I will touch on the parts for which I have photograhic evidence.

First, there was the Frijole Bowl in Tucson. Brian was offically initiated into the family by helping out with the beans!

I added the garlic, and we had a grand party, as usual.

When Brian and I left Tucson, we took my brother with us, and held him hostage here in Iowa for a week, where he got rained on at the barn and walking around town, but also drank some good beer and had some quality time alone in our house while we were at work. One evening, Jesse and I got to reminiscing about the old board game Balderdash and how it was the best game ever, and how it's a pity we somehow lost ours, and now they have changed it so you can't even get the original version anymore. And then we thought, by golly! We are resourceful people! We have internet access! With just a list of rare words in the English language, a piece of cardboard, an array of sharpies, and some scrap-mat from work, we resurrected the game and played it with delight.


After a lot of hilarity, creative definitions, and (yes) a fair amount of slyness too, Jesse (blue) won - but it was quite close at the end.


After taking my brother back to Chicago and dropping him at the train station, Brian and I returned home and have started to face the fact that we are going to have to take some part in planning our own wedding. I've been looking for a dress - a search which is not going well. Last Saturday afternoon we decided to head over to Von Maur in the Sycamore Mall to see if they had anything that might suit me. They didn't, and as we wandered glumly past the other stores, a gaming storefront caught our eye. For some reason, we went in, and after much deliberation, came out again with a puzzle.

I thought 1000 pieces would be no big deal. Afterall, we're resourceful people. We chose an only-mildly-sickening lakeside scene with (we didn't notice this in the store) lots of vaguely textured neutral gray areas. Assembling it was surpsing hard, and true to the darker side of my personality (the side that relates to people with OCD and loves printmaking), I got a little obsessed with it.



Thankfully, we finished it, finally, after several days. In case any of my readers have the same questions the guy in the game-shop did: No, we do not plan to glue it together so we can hang it on our wall and admire it always. We're going to put it back in the box. Just as soon as we need the coffee table for something else...